Here I am again. Haven't been here for awhile. There has been so much going on in my life that I haven't had time to even think, let alone journal, write in this blog, or anything else. Why? Because I am now living on the line between having a place to live, and homelessness. One step away, and sometimes that step seems preferable to the current choice. I am living with a friend who is very emotionally unstable. She has bi-polar disorder, and goes up and down like a yo yo. Her behavior can change from "everything's fine" to "get you and your dog out of my house" in about 2 seconds. I'm talking nicely here. What is actually said to me can't be printed here. I am receiving $223/week in unemployment, and I am paying her $90 of it each week to live there. This is my ONLY choice at this point with my economic status, and my dog (who happens to be a medical companion animal, and should be allowed anywhere - including the apartment building I was thrown out of, despite the fact that I don't live there anymore).
This is going to be a long post (my apologies), but a lot has happened since I last posted on here. What I've found with these blogs is that when things get really painful, I don't want to write about them publicly, but when I've reached the ability to manage whatever is going on, I can share. You are obviously aware by now that I was evicted from my apartment. At the end of the day, I found out it was personal. The management company that owns the apartment building wanted to get rid of me. I wrote a scathing email to them when they refused to work with me to get the rent paid for April, and I believe this was the catalyst, but who knows? All I know is that they kicked me out because they didn't like me "voicing my opinion." I only know this because the apartment manager told a friend of mine that lives here that this is why the management company was refusing to communicate with me - even when I had the full rent. All they had to do was fill out a form and fax it to the individual I was working with, and they flat out refused to acknowledge any communication I tried to initiate with them - from phone calls to emails. Nothing. They even returned money that I paid without even acknowledging that they had received it. They just taped the envelope I gave them back on my door without any note, and just as I had given it to them. Form incomplete, and the check still there.
So, because of this, I now have what is called an "Unlawful Detainer" on my record, which effectively ruins my credit, and makes it impossible for me to rent from a landlord that does background checks. I cannot believe that in our society today, any landlord would be able to get away with this, and this particular landlord owns most of the rental property in the city I live in, which makes it even worse. This just doesn't seem right, and despite my efforts to get the city paper to publish my story, I can't get anyone to listen. Everyone tells me to let it go, move on, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, the company is just going about their business, without care that they threw a 2 year, 50 year old tenant with a companion animal (which obviously means the person has a mental health issue) out on the street, or what kind of impact that has had on that tenant's life. With today's economy, what kind of message does this send to those who are having a difficult time in America right now? I had resources, and could have redeemed this situation through those resources. The other thing that I find hard to believe is that anybody would want to behave this way. I have been bouncing around between beds so much that when I wake up, I lay there for a minute before I open my eyes, and I have to think about where I am. It's happening so often that it is beginning to feel like a game. This is a new feeling for me. I've never had this happen on a regular, almost daily basis, and I don't like it, and don't understand why it doesn't change. I feel like I am trying really hard to change things, despite the circumstances, and to cope with all of it. I get screamed at; I'm not wanted in my old building (where I now have good friends), and I'm unemployed and nearly homeless. Just coping with it sucks the energy out of me.
I have yet to find a job, and this has been really hard. I go to interviews, I apply and apply and apply, and I just don't get hired. Is there any way to tell whether or not I would have been able to find a job more easily had I had a stable living environment all of this time? I don't think so. I know that I'm losing confidence in myself every day, and it is very hard to rise above it, and keep trying.
No matter how many people I talk to, it would appear that the law does not require apartment/rental management companies to treat their residents equally when it comes to the resident's efforts to obtain government assistance to help them in times of crisis. This feels a lot like discrimination to me, but attorneys I've talked to tell me that landlords can pick and choose at any time who they will cooperate with when it comes to this issue, and who they won't. I wish so much that someone could help me with this, but it just appears that I'm on my own. And right now I'm screwed on my own.
